Eblo

Brain dump.

I'm in a mood. Borderline bad mood. Sad mood? Moody mood? Fall mood? Weather's right for it, that's for sure.

Mom and Dad had to put their lab Kiddie to sleep this morning. She was the second-oldest and I think represents the first out-of-order death of one of their labs. I'm not sure what the final diagnosis was, but I know she had a LOT of fluid in her abdomen and when they went in expecting to find a perforated bowel, instead they found a diseased-looking liver (though her liver enzymes had come back nominal). She went downhill fast, so the decision was made. The message from my mom is the epitome of the sound of a breaking heart.

What else? Stuff. I don't very often let on about any problems between me and My Darling Rose, and usually that works out OK for me, but I guess in some cases you've just got to blow off some steam. I'm not getting into details, but suffice to say that even though we've talked things to death, and I keep trying to move past real and imagined infractions, I'm left feeling sad, disrespected, and otherwise kicked in the shorts. I'm generally really good at "forgive and forget," but I'm just having a hard time this time. I think the forgiving is covered. The forgetting needs more time to bake, I guess. What she did wasn't the end of the world and in a twisted, poorly-reasoned way was done to 'protect' me, so I don't begrudge her that - it's the aftermath and cleanup that's left a sour taste in my mouth. I just need time.

She thinks I'm odd in that I don't regularly bitch about her to friends - I'm not even certain that she believes that I don't - but ask any of my friends - IRL or online - and I really don't think I complain about my wife often. I don't mind if she kvetches to her friends about stupid little things I do - I guess that's normal and a good way to avoid letting the little things build up and annoy you. I would just hope if there's something that really bothers her about me, she'd tell me. As I do. In the discussion, I pointed out that she's my best friend, and thus the one I complain to about my wife. I'm not sure if she was amused by that as I was.

But anyway, things and stuff, things and stuff. I did a podcast talking about this stuff and then decided the wind was too annoying and it was likely boring as hell. So no podcast for you.

I continue to be incredibly far behind on projects - work, home, personal, etc. I have recordings and photos I haven't posted from well over a year ago. What is wrong with me?

This weekend, Saturday the 29th, is our 6th anniversary. I did my shopping yesterday and tried my best to stick with the Candy/Iron traditional gift theme. Some of the gifts work quite well/literally, one takes an amusing stretch to make fit, and yet others are in no way "Candy" or "Iron," but I still think she'll like them. I had a hard time coming up with dinner plans since the place I was counting on apparently no longer exists. I also didn't know what else to do after dinner. I wanted to take her to a play downtown, but couldn't pick anything out, and things that looked good were sold out (I waited until last-minute as usual). I finally hit upon an idea that I think she will either love or think is pretty stupid. Wish me luck. 6 years. Crazy.

I recently acquired my first Elliott Smith CD, From a Basement on a Hill, I think is the title. I liked one of his "Waltz No. xx" songs which got radio play a few years ago. I think it was from the XO album. I always have meant to pick up some of his stuff, especially after he killed himself, but jsut never have. This weekend we were in a used CD shoppe and I thought to look for something of his (a few weeks ago when we were in Madison, I nearly bought a set of his, so it was on my mind). I didn't find any in the racks, but thought to ask the girl working there and she said, yes, actually, she had just been listening to it earlier, so it was behind the counter. It worked out well because this album has "Memory Lane" on it, which is a cute upbeat-sounding tune I like which I picked up from the Podsafe Music Network and even played on my show over a year ago, I think. Anyway, I haven't been able to give it a full listen, but what I have heard, I like. It seems there are some throwaway tracks on it, as is expected, but other songs just grab and hold. I was listening to it (on a Discman no less) the other night while I walked Martini. The moon was nearly full, lightly shrouded in thin clouds, and while it was warm, there was a slight breeze and mist hanging in the air reminding me that Autumn has indeed arrived. The music, the atmosphere, my headspace was all perfect. Just a boy, his music, and his dog. You've got to enjoy the simple things.

By the way, while at the CD shop, we also picked up Nirvana's In Utero which we didn't have on CD, Blue Man Group's The Complex, MDR grabbed Happy Days by Catherine Wheel, and I found Shakira's Oral Fixation Vol. 2 for her. She's been on a Shakira kick lately, and I have to admit that "Don't Bother" track easily gets caught in my head. It reminds me of Cher's "Believe" in that "I swear to god, I'm not a homosexual" kind of way. I'll be sad if physically stored music ever goes away entirely. CDs are a poor substitute for pawing through 12" vinyl records, but they're certainly better than scrolling through a web site. Sigh.

Well, I thing that's enough babble for now. I'm not finished, but I'm done. Know what I mean? I'd really like to be able to sit down in front of my keyboards, mixer, guitars, mics and computer/recorder with these thoughts and this mood. I keep telling myself, "Maybe tonight."

Maybe tonight.